Standing really starts when one is healed and strong enough to stand down. Until then, standing is kind of one’s default position.
We all start out standing for our spouse and marriage. In time that gets old. Our marriages are in limbo or like myself, divorced. Our spouse hasn’t really turned around and not much reconciliation ongoing. One’s standing shifts towards their convictions. One begins to stand for themselves.
Standing for me. Those default “reasons” being evaporated or no longer felt give rise to questions of why and what is one doing. Concurrently, one usually is organizing their beliefs and values. Strengthening those which serve, crafting ones they aspire to, and altering or discarding those which do not serve. One finds themselves standing for their convictions rather than a piece of paper or memories of what and who once was.
Standing for me, becomes focused on current time rather than past glories and possible future times. “Waiting” for an awakening vs focusing on and living your best life. It’s being in the present and becoming the best version of one’s self.
Interestingly, timelines disappear. Expectations fade. And hope lives. And not for what one likely thinks; those defaults no longer being in the fore. Even limbo fades away as one embraces their stand, beliefs, and life.
When standing becomes a choice, much strength is gained. To uphold one’s deepest convictions. That is the landscape of faith and values. When one’s spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical paths are all side by side; when one’s journeys along these individual paths all line up; there is such peace and contentment.
Stand for MikeP! He is a pretty awesome guy, and very much worth it!
D
Maybe you should write your own DBing book 😁 You definitely put into words what others can’t. Thank you. You’re correct in that I need to stand for myself. Never quite thought about it that way. Maybe it’s been said by others but didn’t click. I’ve thought more about waiting vs standing and think I’ve been doing some of both. Thanks Bttrfly for making me realize that. I think I am focusing too much on the future. I think I’m afraid that we’re just cruising along with no end to limbo in sight. I don’t stress and worry like before however, it would be nice to be comfortable again with a loving partner that I feel secure with. Things are better for sure between us, probably better than things have been for years. I’m trying to plan my post retirement life and I just have to plan short term for us, long term for me and my children. I know some of my posts seem contradictory. Sometimes I post in the moment without really thinking things through. That’s why I like this forum so much. I can vent and get feedback. Glad to be given grace for my mistakes and being held accountable as well. Thanks again. The feeling that things are getting better for us also makes me nervous if I’m being honest. Trusting the process is hard, as it it should be. It’s too easy to just be angry and not take accountability. If the process was easy we wouldn’t change or grow. As others have said, I wish this never happened but I know in the end I will come out a better person and partner. I already am better, just not the best I can be.
Last edited by DnJ; 03/23/2308:41 PM. Reason: Corrected typo.
