A person in crisis/emotional turmoil does some bizarre stuff. They destroy so much of their lives as they run from their unrealized torment. Their new behaviours are very much like an alien as taken over them and voided them of morals and values. They become the opposite of who they once were.
Like many, my XW became a terrible parent. OM and her new friends became most important in her life. I still recall her telling me, with such conviction, that only her new friends truly understand her. My reply was something like: “Yeah right. You just met these people like 6 weeks ago. And your family and friends of over 30 years have it all wrong.”
Of course that was to no avail.
They have to walk their path. And that path is driven by their emotions, not reason. New behaviours and people are commonplace. All in an effort to dull and run from their pressing emotions, and yet to try to feel something as well.
Give H time and space. Lots of both.
Focus on you. GAL. Live.
Yes, the emotional rollercoaster takes some time to find one’s way clear of it. Detachment is the single best thing one can do for themselves when starting out. Let go the rope or be dragged.
In your supporting of son (and daughter), and with some gentle steering, suggest the 24-48 hour rule. Son realized he messaged out of anger. Guide him to allow time for such feelings to flit so he doesn’t just react. Act from reason, more than react from emotion. A good lesson for one’s life.
Hang in there MA.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
