Example is that I'm aware that when my mind drifts off to imagining H, OW & their future, I can become paralysed with fear & end up only upsetting myself. It’s not easy to bring it back but I'm finding different ways that are graded to the pervasiveness of my thinking.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, MA! You’re doing great. As time goes by, you’ll get stronger. Just take it a day at a time.
I remember when I went through it. Several veterans told me that 12 months after BD is normally a turning point in one’s mindset and outlook after being hit with a BD. That was certainly true to me, almost to the day - I felt suddenly very different and calm. Like I knew I was going to be alright, even though I couldn’t see the finish line just yet.
But oh boy… those first 12 months were just really, really hard.
With regards to your mind continually wandering off and thinking about him and OM, have a read of my rumination post here:
The key is to put a fixed time every day and a fixed time limit to let these thoughts run wild. Eventually it will help you gain an external perspective on your thoughts and you’ll start to feel a lot better.
Not trying to hijack or anything. My BD 1 year is about 12 days out and I am feeling a lot like you described. I think I've finally stopped acting out of fear and have accepted that things will work out one way or another and I'll be ok.
Ma- When I was struggling with the imagery of W and the OM I found the stop sign technique to be the only thing that worked for me. We're all different so maybe it won't be as effective for you. Something to try though.
