She told me she saw my car parked near hers the other day (I didn’t see her) and she texted asking why/ how was I tracking her. I responded “no I haven’t been” but found out she had blocked my number on her phone. I emailed her saying that. And she responded accusing me of stalking and said if I put a tracker on her car she would report me to the police. She asked what I was doing near her car. I told her I was out running errands and then went out with friends.
She said, “I keep trying to make this work, and you keep making it worse and worse. It’s just so sad.” And she asked me to prove my “story” to her.
I have not responded further.
I don’t know if there is a real stalker but it’s not me.She did mention a while ago that she recently had to go no contact with a man who was crossing boundaries of a friendship with her. And she said to me “you have no idea what it’s like being a woman.”
If Rock continues to ignore the advise here and keeps pursuing her, restraining orders are highly probable in his future. He won't be the first to walk down this path.
DanF couldn't help himself and drive past his wife's house.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
She told me she saw my car parked near hers the other day (I didn’t see her) and she texted asking why/ how was I tracking her. I responded “no I haven’t been” but found out she had blocked my number on her phone. I emailed her saying that. And she responded accusing me of stalking and said if I put a tracker on her car she would report me to the police. She asked what I was doing near her car. I told her I was out running errands and then went out with friends.
She said, “I keep trying to make this work, and you keep making it worse and worse. It’s just so sad.” And she asked me to prove my “story” to her.
Groan.
Typical WW behaviour. They cheat, lie, break a marriage - and then will manipulate things around to paint themselves as victim. “He’s stalking me. I’m so scared. I tried to make it work.” Anything to make themselves feel better about what they are doing.
I’ve said this once, I’ve said it a thousands times Rock - STOP INTERACTING WITH HER.
What is it going to take for you to trip the Band-Aid off? You are literally like a drug addict who gets told time and time again not to interact with her, but then comes here asking for advice on interaction after interaction.
I know it makes you feel slightly more in control if you get to see her or text or email her, because it feels slightly more like it used to. But all you’re doing is making it worse.
Even if you’re not stalking her, you’re going to end up with a restraining order because you keep messaging and calling and talking and interacting with her under the guise of you playing happy families for your “daughter’s benefit”.
Drop the rope mate. It’s a shame you didn’t block her first. Then she might have respected you, missed you, and maybe even thought she was losing something.
Rock. Here's the part that I'm not sure you understand: It's a two part process, going dark.
Part one: Stop communicating with her. Initiate nothing.
Part two (and most importantly): Stop obsessing about her. When your thoughts go in her direction, look at your feet, look up and around your space - is she physically there with you? If not, make a conscious decision to stop your wayward thoughts immediately.
Rock, the two things that I find most frustrating when trying to help you are your extreme co-dependance coupled with your stubborn refusal to stop all pursuit.
You need to re-train your mind, Rock. Plain and simple..
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Don’t take this the wrong way. Know that my advice comes from kindness and a genuine desire for you to self-improve. But I feel like I need to spell it out pretty bluntly.
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but found out she had blocked my number on her phone. I emailed her saying that.
You know you gave her exactly what she wanted, right?
She manipulated you to test you and you gave her a big green light that she’s safe to keep doing what she’s doing. This is what SHE saw Rockon doing:
“Look at ME! I’m waiting here, doing the love sick puppy dog dance, waiting for you to come back whenever you’re ready! I’m pretending to be strong and unaffected, but I’m sniffing around for any sign that you might come back.”
She can see straight through it.
If she blocks your phone, go to absolute radio silence on all communication 🤷♂️ Let her have what she wants. Don’t email her to show her that you know she blocked you. What is the point of that? How will she ever decide she misses and wants you if she doesn’t know what it’s like without you?
Come on Rock, this is DB 101. You need to CHANGE what you’re doing, because it isn’t working.
I’d highly recommend you Google “YouTube transactional analysis ego states and basic transactions” and watch the three videos in the series.
It might give you some insight into how she continues to psychologically run rings around you, and how you can break the mould of your cr*p interactions.. Please let me know your thoughts on these three videos.
Lastly, I think I see a pattern of wishy-washy type statements when you refer to your own self improvement. Some members have been like “How does that look exactly?” and your answers are very fluffy, like “working on being a better person, being a good Dad, letting it all go.” Nothing concrete.
The reality of your posts suggests you’re doing the complete opposite of letting anything go. If you were letting it all go, you wouldn’t have even noticed she had blocked you.
Answers to questions about your self-improvement should be direct, tangible, measurable things. Such as:
1. Started going to church/temple/whatever once a week and won’t miss one week for the next three months 2. Doubled my IC frequency because I have problems with communicating too much 3. Set aside 30 mins every day where I’m going to go for a run 4. Had a lawyer appointment to discuss finance, custody and have a plan if she files 5. Signed daughter and I up to a weekly movie club 6. Got a library membership and reading one relationship psychology book per fortnight 7. I have re-read DB or DR 8. Have setup a “swear jar” so that every time I communicate with her I have to deposit $50.
These are real, strong, measurable self- improvements. Not “I’m going to be a great unicorn with rainbows and love hearts.”
I hope you see the point I’m making and that we want the best for you.
I see your point kind and I believe you. Just had a great night taking special needs S out on a pass. We bonded and connected so well. Dropped him back and now I’m set up to camp overnight. Tired and happy.
Will Reread all your messages tomorrow. Read Boundaries by Cloud earlier today.
