I don’t know what, if anything more to say to D about how I am proceeding forward in relation to W.
Your relationship with W, doing nothing is doing something.
Your relationship with D, gentle steering, answering her questions, and conversing when appropriate. I suspect daughter has found her balance, her equilibrium, regarding Mom and you.
Originally Posted by Rockon
Any more ideas of how/what if anything I might or should say to D about my way forward?
I have some ideas.
Originally Posted by Rockon
W lives with MIL, has not given me any indication or reassurance she is not in contact with OM or wants to R. Therefore, I am focusing on what’s before me and what is important for my growth and becoming who I want to be.
Firstly, make your way forward. Saying it is good. That organizes and crafts the direction or heading you wish to traverse.
Secondly, from above: “Therefore, I am focusing…”. Do not utilize “therefore”. Nope. Make your way forward. For you! Become the man you want to be. Regardless if W comes along or not. And especially not just because she isn’t.
Thirdly, keep moving forward. Live it. Find your joy. Truly live it.
Fourthly, “Carry on, be strong, reach out, pray, and just Be There for D.” Yes, absolutely be there for your kids.
Which brings us to, you more show D than tell her. In fact, you more show yourself too. (And W, and friends, etc).
It’s kind of strange you will tell more of your path by telling less of it.
An example. My kids come over and ask how things are going. I show them the house remodelling, the new wall panels, the ceiling, the lights. We talk about what I’ve been doing. The problems with fishing the wiring through the old wall. And so on.
And of course, I ask how they are doing. What they’ve been up to. And they tell me all manner of things and events ongoing in their lives. Very little of that regards Mom, since she is a wee part of their lives.
Healed, whole, and happy. Focus on you and your blessings. Become who you are meant to be. Live that which is truly important.
Originally Posted by Rockon
I’m so happy. And so grieved.
I do understand and empathize with you, and with where you are on your journey. Let go W.
We all come to a realization, a point, when we truly do this for ourselves, and not to win back our spouse. I think you are on the cusp of such a shift.
Time and space my friend. Focus on you. Heal. Continue forward.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
