Just reflecting on our past. Lots of things I'm realizing weren't good. BD one year anniversary coming up has gotten me thinking about where are now versus BD. I'm starting to question what it is I'm really fighting for. A marriage that wasn't what I thought it was. I was probably as unhappy as W for many years and just kept my head down, doing what I thought was right. I do remember always thinking things would get better if I just stick it out. She will realize I love her and eventually come around. Maybe we should throw in the towel and move on. We both spent a lot of years making the other unhappy. I see how she treats her biological family versus how she always treated me. There's a difference and that difference is stark. Don't take that as she was terrible to me. I just never felt like she was on my team, for lack of a better way to put it. Without a lot of work on both our parts nothing will change and she shows no interest in putting in the work. Maybe she's smarter or more realistic than I am. Not looking for sympathy, not really feeling down. Just thinking about a lot of new things that I've possibly been avoiding.
