Quote: He HATES hurting her, but I was no longer pretending that I had to soothe her feelings so he didn't see her agitation.
He was forced to figure out a way to address this with her (in his own way and time). And you know what? It only helped him work through some of his previous unwillingness to work through the conflict. His MO before would have been: Screw this. Betsey will clean up this mess. Well, Betsey stopped doing it.
I was trying to explain this to kitti last night. I, too, think my H is suffering from this. And in the past, I would have tried to 'make nice' and tell the kids they must call/visit their dad... well, they don't want to. They are hurt, and HE hurt them. They are setting their boundaries. And H is going to have to deal with the mess HE made himself. You are absolutely right. As a matter of fact, a devotional pointed this out to me... that often we let sympathy get in the way of God's will by not allowing consequences to take place... I think there is a whole book series on it "Love and Logic."
Plus, the trying to fix everything has just made me CRAZY... too much anxiety and stress about THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL over.
I think my H is still at the "ending the call after I would tell him I am suffering" stage... but I am hoping that he is paying attention to what is going on. I am still in the testing the waters stage, and to be honest, I'm not too crazy about sticking my toe in too often... the water is still WAY too cold for me... But that no longer brings about the tremendous angst it once did. I no longer feel like I am on the huge rollercoaster, maybe just the kiddie ride. I AM still in limbo, but learning to enjoy the ride, not begging, or demanding to get off, or at least KNOW when the ride WILL end.
Quote: Gary was fun as long as he didn't want anything from Mr. Wonderful that he wasn't willing to give
Let's all pray this will happen with my H's "symptom" too.
Betsey, I hope you keep thinking... and I hope you keep posting.
And how come no one told me that The Power of Now was all about STOPPING YOUR THOUGHTS? Geez.. I would have bought it a lot sooner. I am definitely a run away thinker.
Thanks again, Betsey.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
