You and I have a similar timeline with our situations. I empathize with what you say. Yes, there is a sadness, a missing of what once was. Like you say, not a sorrow, just a memory-induced feeling.
I find such fleeting feelings do not detract from my acceptance or forgiveness. In fact, they kind of reinforce it. My three decade relationship ended in a horrific manner as well. The odd moment of sadness from the memory of the plentiful happy wed times is understandable.
To me, acceptance is emotional understanding. We find peace and understanding of our loss and our emotions. Peace and understanding is not numb or heartless or unfeeling, it allows one to feel and love. And sadness is just one of the expressions of such; just wee slice of our time, the vast majority of our days being fulfilled with other facets of our lives.
My MLCer has remained radio silent. She was much the vanisher type. Her and I recently spoke at my son’s wedding, the first conversation in four years. It was interesting to see how much she knew about me and my life. Somehow managing to keep tabs on things. Of course, her and OM are basically my neighbour. And she slyly added she has her sources. Lol.
I understand how processing your mother’s passing would have gotten deferred. One only has so much bandwidth, and the events of your H and situation were front and center. I agree, you are well healed and grieving your Mom is a sign of much recovery. (((Hugs)))
Hope you have a great weekend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
