Originally Posted by Rockon
My list of conditions if W says she wants to R:

Cut off all contact with OM. W and I tell OM this clearly.
All mementos and photos of their R destroyed.
W engage with IC to understand why the A and prevent future recurrence.
W and I talk about the A with support of MC for the purpose of our individual and shared healing.
W shows that she will listen to me and care about my pain and the damage to our M and family.
No secrets. W do what it takes to reassure me that A is over and she is faithful to me and our vows. Trust, honesty and accountability in our R measured by each spouse feeling cared for, loved, valued and respected by each other.
We prioritize our R over our kids.
We make sex a priority.
We listen to and support each other’s hopes, goals, dreams.
We learn what each of us wants in our new M and determine not to go back to how it was.

Hi Rockon, Based on your list I’m assuming W is still in contact with OM, separated from you living with her mom, and hasn’t said that she would like to reconcile since your attempts at detaching/doing a 180. How does this list help you make plans for looking after yourself living the kind of life you want now?

Right now in our situations we should be concentrating all our energy on us GAL (becoming a better person. someone no women could refuse)? If we are consciously living our lives now we’re accepting our reality and not denying where we’re at in our relationships with our W.

Here is a revised list that could be used for your next relationship (maybe your W or maybe not) for the new and improved you.

Trust, honesty and accountability in our R measured by each spouse feeling cared for, loved, valued and respected by each other.
We prioritize our R over our kids.
We make sex a priority.
We listen to and support each other’s hopes, goals, dreams.
We learn what each of us wants in our new M and determine

Another list now could be based off your progress and what actions you take to get you where you want to be.

As always take or leave any feedback from me. Hopefully you are doing well now and trust that this will get better.

Last edited by Dats000; 03/17/23 05:00 PM.
M:51 W:43
T:17 M:15
S:13 D11
10/2022 BD/IHS
03/2023 W moves out