This thread took me a long time to read. I was going to give you a ring this weekend, but my better angels said let Bets be still with her issues--and I'm glad I left you alone.
All I can say is that you're on the right track and you still need patience. Just imagine the thoughts running through Mr. W's head as he decided to pick up the phone and order you flowers. And that he was concerned about your reaction is an added bonus. You are on his mind and he definitely cares about you!!!
Caring may not be love; but remember, if love is not exactly a decison, it is a decision to do loving acts--and the continuity of those loving acts builds true marital love. In this regard, you seem to be on the right track.
Betsey, you also have a great handle on where things are headed and what each of you needs--primarily safety in the R. Mr. W. has been scared buried deep in his hole, but right now, he is poking his head out, sniffing around, and feeling less on guard. But I feel quite sure that at the first big noise, he will dive in the hole once again.
It seems no pressure and patience for the time being would make sense, while you figure out the best way to let him (and you) know that the next big noise is not a reason to retreat. The two of you have learned so much that you never learned before you split. hey, as a rocket scientist, MW also must know that mistakes in operations are inevitable, and skilled scientists and managers don't run away from them--they try to understand what went wrong and how to make the system work better in the future.
I've always believed you hold a special place in his heart and it is clear to me that you still do. As Michele would say, just keep doing what has worked. God Bless and you made my weekend.
