Let H lead. H might have an entirely different conversation or reason for asking to speak with you.
You were absolutely right. The conversation went in a completely different direction than I had prepared for.
We talked about neither D nor R. He opened the conversation by commenting on being in limbo. I don't remember exactly what he said about it. I remember he then followed up with, "I have nothing in particular to say."
Ok buddy, but you were the one who wanted this conversation?!
We ended up talking about what we've been up to recently and giving each other TV and movie recommendations. He apologized for hurting me. He said he thinks about "the past" and wonders how I am doing everyday. He cried a bit. We talked to each other as if we were still together, referencing in-jokes and opinions on mutual friends. He told me he's gotten a lot of injuries from running too much. So he's cycling instead. He goes to bed and wakes up early. He doesn't know how to fill his time. He sounded pretty miserable. Once again, he told me he's "just trying to get by." He's going to therapy and he stopped drinking. He realized that he has a habit of avoiding his problems.
He ended the call first, suggesting that maybe it was dinner time for me. It was, and I said that I was going to meet a friend.
He misses me. That much is clear from the conversation. I dare not read much more into it. He hasn't said anything about R.
I'm only really starting to process my emotions from this call. I hadn't heard his voice in four months. The call reminded me of old times. I'm sad. I'm also angry and even a little bit disgusted by him.
I'm going to give myself some time to settle down before I think about next steps.
