Thanks for the reply D. I think I'm upset with her making that statement because it reinforces what I already know, she's not committed to us. I honestly haven't thought about him for quite some time until now. I do believe we don't have much chance at least as long as she's around him every day. My logic says this-She was intent on leaving me for him. Told me it was so much different; she was happier around him. I forced her to make a choice she wasn't ready to make, and she did choose me. Almost a year later and she's still not happy with me. She interacts with the thing she thought would make her happy every day. How does she ignore that? I know the things she said about him being the answer were mostly b.s. She may not come to that conclusion until she finally leaves me for him and finds out. That's why I believe this to be true. Hope I'm wrong. I'm not looking for a reason to end things yet. I want this to work out. Turning my expectations down to zero is probably what I was needing help with or a reminder. That's what has been so hard lately when things seem normal. I like what you said about her uncertainty being an ally, never thought of it that way. Thanks. What I meant about not wanting the old relationship back was her just deciding everything is back to normal without doing any of the work she needs to do. She desperately needs counseling or therapy, whichever applies. I don't know that she will ever take that step. I would hate for us to never reconcile because she won't do anything except show up. I know that material things can't make me "happy". However, they can provide entertainment or enjoyment and that's something I've been missing for most of my adult life. Cruising around and working on old cars used to be my thing. I loved it and miss it. I've also always wanted a street bike. I know a lot of people that ride and that could provide me a new experience in life. A new community to associate with. I've never been much on material things, I'm a pretty simple (boring) person. I don't know which stage or facet of this journey I'm in. I do struggle with feelings of depression at times. Mostly I seem confused. I'm probably to blame for not following the rules better.
