Thanks for kind responses. DnJ, you always manage to calm my mind and still give me hope. Thank you!
Kind18 - I've not been angry directly towards H or shown anger at the kids towards him. I've been trying to write my angry thoughts in a journal and this has allowed me to respond to Amy interaction with a calm manner but the stuff with the kids does get to me & I had a strong urge to act on this last night but posted, wrote in my diary and rode the storm. One of the things I'm struggling with is that it doesn't feel like I'm on a level footing with the OW. H told both kids that he was in a mist and trying to not make any decisions about his future whilst he feels he can't see things clearly. Son said he is "whipped" by the OW (I think this is teen talk for being obsessed). How does he get to see what he is missing with us /me when he has no contact with me? I know this is the DB process and everyone talks about it being counter intuitive but I am still struggling with the idea that I'm just letting him go away and choose to spend quality time with her & he spends none with me! I suppose this is where the detachment comes in but it's hard when I love him and want him back.
On the self care front, I aas getting a bit better at eating but the past few days have taken their toll on my appetite & I've only managed a couple of milky drinks. I'm still walking every night (It's been freezing here), I'm meeting with friends who are really supportive & I'm out to the theatre tonight and planning on dressing up to look good!
