…when he took D for a coffee today, she said he was cold, detached and sly. She said he evaded her questions and seemed in a good place and like he couldn't care less that he has planted a bomb of devastation in everyone else's lives. She asked him why he hadn't responded to her messages and he said he didn't want to!
Yep, sounds about on script. H is basically behaving like a teenager. A rebellious teenager. Much worse than an actual teen, and he has a bank account. He is going to run and anyone who gets in his way he will mow down.
Originally Posted by MA1970
I've done everything I can to put him in a positive light and encourage them meeting…
Best you stay clear of things. Definitely do not demonize their Dad. However, if you get in the middle of things, and when - that’s when not if - when things go off the rails, you will have both sides mad at you.
Your kids will lash out at you enough, since you are the strong stable parent. And they cannot “yet” risk loosing Dad. Don’t worry it doesn’t last too long; kids do find their way.
You job is not to facilitate (nor repair) their relationship with Dad. You job is to not destroy it.
H will likely wreck his relationship along with everything else. It’s ok. (((Hug))) Be there for your kids. Teach and guide them towards compassion and understanding and empathy and forgiveness. Leave it to H to rebuild with them if/when he finds that part of his path.
Originally Posted by MA1970
S (19) was furious when he got home and saw his sister upset. He left the house to go to the gym & called his dad and told him he was selfish and thoughtless amongst a number of choice words. I don't know whether to try and stop S from doing this and try and smooth things or just let him get it off his chest.
Blasting Dad, like you blasting H, might feel good for the short term, then guilt will settle in. Gently guide your kids. If they ask, explain MLC and Dad’s torment. And how his path has nothing to do with them. He is driven by unrealized forces and pains from long ago. The more pressure H has the more he will run. And kids do not want any hand in that anymore than you do.
Encourage safe and healthy emotional release of pent up anger to get things off their chest. And encourage control of self when dealing with Dad. To not make emotional choices and decisions.
I know the roller coaster you and the kids are riding. It’s perfectly normal to take a little while to get off the ride and find detachment.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
