I had to send him a message about childcare today but kept it very formal and sent via email rather than text. He's not responded, not sure what I do if he doesn't respond? It was about going to a uni open day for S(19), who originally wanted to go with his dad but doesn't anymore so H / dad will need to sort evening meal out for D while I take son. Hoping I get a response without having to chase. I would rather have remained no contact but as I said, it was a very formal email with no niceties.
Do use email for correspondence. It is easier to save and organize the paper trail.
I do like R2C’s suggestion of including what you will do if you receive no response.
Unfortunately, even if H does say he will do something, he might not. Folks in such emotional turmoil become terrible parents, and they have the memory of a gnat. Ensure you have backup plans for when H drops the ball.
Along with forgetting - be it unintentional and/or purposeful, they also can lash out. Picking certain times to push our buttons while we are backed into a corner. Like a kid trying to get their way.
My XW did such a thing to my son and DIL regarding their wedding. She suggested a certain fundraising idea and volunteered to look after it. Son and fiancé didn’t really want it, but Mom was going to look after all of it. The gathering of the auction items and the running of it.
Well, weeks before the social, XW drops her bomb. She wanted OM to be able to attend the wedding. My son does not OM there. XW then says that she likely cannot come to the social or wedding. On top of that, she also had sold a bunch of wedding social tickets, which she wasn’t suppose to, and had no tickets to sell. The fundraiser she was organizing had only one item for auction at this point, she dropped the ball big time. The other kids, the wedding party, went out and purchased auction items with their own money. XW’s work times were all removed from the social’s schedule and things shuffled around. Son and DIL were not pleased with her.
This was another example in a line of missed birthdays, forgotten meetings, and outright lies. Son and DIL did not yell at her, nor forbid anything; they told her of the new schedule, that she had no duties, and that she was invited to the wedding social, and that only she was invited to the wedding. They hoped she would attend, and would understand if she choose not to.
In the end, XW did attend. She did not stay overnight at a hotel, instead travelling back and forth the 90 minutes each way for each of the three days.
MA, do not chase H if he doesn’t respond; just figure out a workaround. Basically, you look after it. In this case, I’m sure if you let D16 know what’s going on, she can look after herself for the evening. Let her buy pizza and watch movies. Maybe a girlfriend or two can come over.
At my BD, my kids were D15, S17, S19, and S21. University, graduation, driving lessons, first kiss, first break ups, birth control, bra shopping, music lessons, piano recitals, car purchases, apartment rentals, kids moving out, and so on. I had no help from XW. Her fixation became OM and her new life, everything and everyone else was brushed aside. Perhaps H will step up more, perhaps he won’t. Just be prepared and have zero expectation of him.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
