Thanks all for the replies. Definitely makes one feel needed.
Butterfly: five trips
So, she comes back tomorrow. I do not feel like seeing her again in any form, but I have to remember it’s about the kids. She called last night to let me know that she will meet with her lawyer Friday. She wants to be amicable about all this and would rather do it out of court. She’s done and wants to be with him. Nothing I can do about that - it’s her road, not mine. The last few days have been rough, but compartmentalization helps.
Anger has found its way in, but that’s controllable. Don’t know what to do next. Lawyer time, I suppose. I’m also angry at our mutual friends because they knew. Mind you, these were the same friends that set her up with him back in 2006 at her return from Iraq party. I thought about calling them out on it - maybe less for my own well being but to let them know they are ***holes.
JR, I like how you are prioritizing your kids. Remember this, they are watching you as an example of how to let a future spouse treat them. There is more at stake here than just your marriage, but also how your kids eventually perceive what a happy, healthy relationship is as well.
You've got this. Remember, it's always darkest before the dawn. Just keep moving towards the light at the end of the tunnel
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It's not an easy situation your "friends" were in. If they told they betray him, if they don't, they betray you.
For my situation, I decided to eventually lose those "friends". They may have been put in a spot, but there's no way they thought I wouldn't eventually find out they knew and said nothing.
That's good she doesn't want drama etc, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to a lawyer to cover yourself and see what's fair or reasonable.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Don’t know what to do next. Lawyer time, I suppose.
I would start looking unless you already know who your lawyer is going to be. they give you free consultations. Once you select the one you want then they’re going to give you a contract to sign. Then you can sign that contract whenever you’re ready. It was helpful for me to know what my attorney charges an hour, what their retainer fee is. The attorney I’m working with we’ve agreed that we both want me to do as much as possible on my own and have me in control of the decisions and then he would look at everything at the tail end.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
I would start looking unless you already know who your lawyer is going to be. they give you free consultations. Once you select the one you want then they’re going to give you a contract to sign. Then you can sign that contract whenever you’re ready. It was helpful for me to know what my attorney charges an hour, what their retainer fee is. The attorney I’m working with we’ve agreed that we both want me to do as much as possible on my own and have me in control of the decisions and then he would look at everything at the tail end.
My 2 cents: Find out who the TOP 3 divorce lawyers in your area and get consults with them. My understanding is since you get the consult, your spouse can't use them. You can confirm this during your free consult.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
“That sounds great. For a minute there I was worried you were getting cold feet 🤣
I’ve seen lawyers A, B & C. When I’ve chosen which one I’m using, they’ll be the place for your lawyer to direct all correspondence.
Can you watch the kids tonight? I’m going out with friends.”
And then leave without getting involved in a discussion, or if she demands to start a discussion, say “that all sounds pretty interesting, but we’ll have to talk about it another time.”
Be happy, aloof and disinterested. Time to flip the script.
Then go get some nice food and watch a movie, and grab a beer at a bar on the way home.
