Trust the process. It will definitely save you. And it’s gives you the best chance at saving your marriage.
H is being pulled in several directions at once. He wants the kids, you, the OW. He wants peace and he wants the excitement of the affair. Imagine his internal pressures to drive him to such mixed up decisions and choices.
Time and space. Lots of these lost souls move out to find more time and space. Remember it’s not about you, or you not giving enough space, or pressuring him; he feels pressure all the time. His moving out is him running from his pain(s). And him on his own, away from you and the kids, he will feel his torment. And maybe start to face it.
Originally Posted by MA1970
Everything in my heart is pulling me to reach out to him.
Follow your mind. Your logic and reason.
Originally Posted by MA1970
I am avoiding doing this and plan to continue but am I giving the OW time to set her store with my husband while I sit back and appear not to care?
She is a symptom. The partner in an illicit affair. Continue to remain out of that nest of vipers. When it blows up, H is going to have to deal with the fallout on his own.
Originally Posted by MA1970
I'm so confused. I'm also worried that he is depressed and may find himself in a terrible situation albeit of his own doing. I still really love him & want him to be well (with or without me).
Yes, he is depressed. Desperate to find an answers to his depression. These folks incorrectly equate sex with happiness and the affair takes hold. Desperate folks do desperate things.
H is in a terrible situation. And it is of his own doing. Let go and give him to God. H needs to hit rock bottom.
You can love him. Pray for him. And hope he is well. All while focusing on you and your life.
Have you read Eagle3’s threads? She’s on the Midlife Crisis forum. An inspiring story and person. A worthy read.
Hang in there MA.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
