Thank you all. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog. I may still go stay somewhere else just for a few days in order to clear my head a bit more.
He has spent less time with her this week. He's responded very well to my 180 behaviors, wanting to spend time with me and even getting very jealous when he mistakenly thought I was going out on a date.
I don't know what that means but I'm just going to have faith and continue to (admittedly slowly) detach.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
Hey, thank you for asking. I'm getting stronger. I'm taking everything to God and trying to rely on that relationship for the validation and love that I'm missing, and I have more peace and joy as a result.
Most of the time now I'm able to say, my H's problems are not my problems. He's going to have to deal with them himself because I have no control over him. It hurts badly, but I'm detaching. This battle, possibly MLC, is one he has to work through on his own.
My H has noticed my changes. He's commented on them and seems rather flustered by them.
I've always been the only person he knows that can hold her own and stand up to him. He's always loved that, and somehow in my heartbreak I lost that bit of myself momentarily. Now it's back but in a gentler way, that validates his feelings.
I went to stay with a friend in another state for a few days, to help her after a surgery. He's made a comment about missing me. He called me last night. I will return home in a couple of days, and then he is scheduled to take all of our kids to see his family in another state for a week, which he's previously made it clear I'm not invited for. (A family vacation without Mom... Makes me so sad.) So there's going to be a lot of opportunity for him to miss me.
I plan to read read read, self care, do some things I want to do for me. I think it will be good.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
Update When I returned from helping my friend after her surgery H was very affectionate. He says he missed me, he wanted to cuddle all night, it was quite interesting. He has been steadily texting me more often, called while I was out of town to tell me a funny story. Just some developments I thought I'd mention.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
Update When I returned from helping my friend after her surgery H was very affectionate. He says he missed me, he wanted to cuddle all night, it was quite interesting. He has been steadily texting me more often, called while I was out of town to tell me a funny story. Just some developments I thought I'd mention.
Assign zero meaning to anything they say or do 🤷♂️
Tomorrow he’ll probably be a cold, manipulative [censored].
Welcome to the world of the LBS.
Last edited by DnJ; 03/10/2302:10 PM. Reason: Removed censored word.
R, we've seen this a lot. As you detach the WAS feels the loss of control over the LBS and start to become affectionate and inclusive in order to reattach you. Remember he's moving on with her but until that is solidified he wants you as Plan B.
When will you know if it's real? First, the OW will be gone. And then after time has passed and he has been consistent (think minimum of 6 months), then you can start thinking it is real.
So you have to be careful right now. Going all in on this well likely result in him retreating back to his position of wanting out.
Remember time and consistency with OW out of the picture.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You were absolutely right, he did go back to pushing me away pretty quickly.
H approached me angrily twice since then with a lot of garbage from the past, blaming me for everything he's doing and stating that all of my changes are just temporary. I made the mistake of rising to his bait and defending myself a couple of times, although I knew better. So, he left on the trip with the kids on a rather sour note. I knew he wanted to leave on a sour note in order to justify what he's doing, and I let my indignation get the best of me anyway. Sigh.
I suppose it's a new day now. Trying to give myself grace for being a work in progress. Refocusing on detaching.
H 41 W 36 D16 S15--my stepchildren D11--biological M 6, T 13 Bomb/EA 1/19/23 Separated but living together
