I guess it terrifies me because it seems so final. I love him with all my heart and even worse, I can't stand the thought of my kids going through this. My own parent's divorce left me scarred my entire life... I'm begging God every day to not let that happen to my kids. They are so secure right now and he is about to rip everything out from under them.
honey, your kids have someone you didn't have - adult you, who has seen the worst side of divorce. Don't you think that your experience as a child has prepared you to parent your children differently should a divorce happen?
think about that, long and hard. You're uniquely qualified to keep them secure in the midst of whatever happens, but only if you ground yourself first - detach, to the best of your ability. It's a process. Baby steps first.
Also, you've mentioned leaving. You may be harming yourself in the long run if you do that. I know you don't want to think about this, but find out if there's something called abandonment in your state, and if you went to a friend's for a few days would that be considered you leaving the marital home. You may need to consult a lawyer. My point is, don't do anything that could potentially put you and the children at risk long term financially if the worst case happens. Is there a spare bedroom you could move to?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
