In my opinion, you should let it go. You do not want her to know that you've been snooping. Listen, the more you snoop, the more you will find. The more you attempt to talk to her, the more she will tune you out and be that much more determined to do what she needs and/or wants to do. Trying to reason with her will not help, it will only push her further towards the OM.
I realize it's driving you crazy with what she is doing or not doing...we all have been right where you are. We are all fixers who want to fix things, but right now, you can't rationalize with her. She's off in la la land and will be there for quite some time. She's on a high thinking that she's hiding what she's doing. Just leave her to it, because you can't control her or her actions. The only person you can control and how you react to what she is or isn't doing. The less you say, unless she is abusing the children, the better off things will be.
Keep the focus on you and your family. Give her the space and time to get her act together. Continue to come here to vent and/or ask questions. For now, again, let it be.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
