Hi, I’m Jolly Rogers and I’m new here

[job]

The first thing you need to do is breathe and then step back. The only person that you can control is yourself. Your spouse is going to do whatever she needs to do to feel better about herself. At the present time, you are an authority figure, i.e., like a father or a boss. When they are trying to figure things out, they look at us that way. It's nothing personal, but it is all about how she feels and she thinks she missed out on along the way.

Will she travel to GA? Who knows? If she does, there's no much you can do about it. One thing I learned a long time ago, the less you say and/or point out the things the spouse is doing, the better. They are like two year olds and going on 16 at the same time. One minute very nice and the next evil. Her journey is about her and you sure do not want to tag along. The old saying drop the rope or be dragged down is very true. Another saying is that you didn't break her, therefore you can't fix her. She has to do the heavy lifting in this area.

As for snooping, try not to do it. We all do some of it at the beginning because we are hurt, confused, disappointed and yes even angry. If you sit back and just listen, she will feel more comfortable on telling on herself.

Life as you knew it is gone because right now, the marriage is dead to her. You will mourn the death of your marriage and that is understandable. However, you have children that need a stable parent who will be there for them. Listen to them and answer their questions as honestly as you can.

It will get better in time. This is not a sprint, but a huge marathon. You will survive it, but it's going to take a lot of patience, compassion and more patience. Dig as deep as you can for patience. Do not take her bait when she tosses things out to you. Again, the less you react, the better. Come here before you do and/or say anything rash. Do not make any decisions when you are upset and/or angry that you may regret at a later date.