Postcards from the Island of Misfit Toys ...

[bttrfly]

bttrfly,

I'm on two sites. The paid site is definitely a higher caliber of person, imho, although I do like certain features on the other site.

Which sites? Which site did you find better, and what were the pros/cons?

Match and Hinge.
Match the profiles are more detailed so you get a better feel for commonalities.
Hinge allows users to record answers to questions or post video answers.

hard to choose but I think I prefer the people on Match.

* Men are like buses. There's a new one every 5 minutes. I may not want to ride that bus/take that trip, but that does not negate there being more opportunities every day.

Not sure I like that analogy as a man lol, but glad you're finding plenty of options. All I'd say is if you do want to make a connection don't let the number of options cause you to discard the options so casually...getting caught up in the paradox of choice.

I could say the same about women, another comes along every 5 minutes. It's not a saying I made up, btw, it's an old saw.

I think it is rude to ever discard anyone casually. I read every profile and every message before deciding whether or not to go forward. I treat the people who reach out to me the way I want to be treated myself. After a month and a half of being polite and responding to everyone, a wise person we both know told me to knock that off and just swipe left, as apparently some guys think that if you politely say no it's an opportunity to engage further.

* I'm really pleased with my vetting process. My list of swipe left reasons may seem too long for some reading here but it works well for me and is true to my values and goals, short and long-term.

They did come off as overly selective to me, but hey if you have options and it's working for you...

plenty of options and it's working really well, actually.

* I've met one person who I think is worth getting to know better. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket at this point, so there may be more meet ups/dates in my future with others.

Only one? Seems like going through all that there would be at least a couple you'd go out on a date with.

you only need one, BL.

There are other guys I've chatted with but I'm really not interested in moving forward with most of them.

Separate from the OLD issue. I'm again giving thought to an annulment. I still find myself returning from time to time to the articles I've found online outlining what qualifies as an annulment in a Catholic marriage. I believe mine qualifies for a couple of reasons I won't go into here. That knowledge doesn't make me feel that our D was inevitable, but it does give me comfort when I think about how long we lasted as a couple, and gives me a lot to think about vis a vis any future relationships. I've talked to our parish priest (a long-time family friend who had a close relationship with my parents, Mom especially). His advice stands - don't rush to an annulment unless you meet someone you want to get serious about. I haven't met anyone, but know that the option is always there if I want it, from which I derive a lot of peace.

I'm surprised to hear that. Weren't you on a another poster's thread awhile back (maybe Drh2001 or ScottBs?), talking about how difficult the annulment process is and not to pursue it? Or perhaps I'm thinking of someone else. Anyway...good for you. Hope it brings you more closure/peace if you decide to pursue it futher.

I do not recognize either of those posters. I do recall talking about annulment, the difficulty and expense of the process and being asked for and sending people to the articles which I found helpful. Yes, the annulment process is difficult. My cousin went through it with her very brief first marriage. She gave me the full de-brief of her experience. It does not sound easy or particularly pleasant. I would still consider it if the incentive was there, but honestly - I don't envision ever marrying again.

The most import thing for me was reading about the process and what qualifies and what doesn't. It really helped me to put my situation into a theological context, which is often overlooked as people struggle with every other aspect of divorce. Having done so several years post D, I was able to probably be a bit more objective in looking at the marriage from the perspective of the Catholic Church than I would have been even two or three years post BD.

Divorce is layered, for me anyway, in terms of loss. There was the obvious loss of marriage, partnership, and of course trust replaced by betrayal, and all the other adorable emotions we experience post-BD.

Then there's the unexpected losses which for me took a while to uncover, and by a while I mean years. One was concern about my religion, something I took for granted before finding myself in this situation. I'm in a good place with all of it now.