Right now, at the beginning of this, the single best thing you can do for yourself is to detach. That will allow you to stop walking on eggshells and being dragged about by your emotions.
Originally Posted by JllyRgrs
One of my close friends suggested something I didn’t want to consider - to snoop. But that’s not me and I couldn’t bring myself to go down that rabbit hole. But two weeks ago I did. She has never changed the password on her old laptop and my curiosity got the best of me. In a hidden file I found many old pics of her and that guy. The last one which has a modified date of 3 weeks before. That sent me spiraling down into places I didn’t want to go. My mind went there.
I don’t suggest snooping for that very reason. You get dragged down the rabbit hole. And that doesn’t help you find detachment.
Information, that proof, usually gets revealed on its own. Snooping usually leads to more questions/assumptions than answers/facts.
Originally Posted by JllyRgrs
Is it all in my head or is her going all the way to GA really to see him?
It drags you about. More and more questions.
Originally Posted by JllyRgrs
While the kids were eating, she was all smiles. It’s when they left for school that she changed. Almost like a light switch was flipped. She said we need to tell the kids.
I said on my way out “do you think that’s best?” Didn’t wait for a response. Just left for work. Not a single word from her since.
That was an opportunity to possibly learn further information.
Currently, W has placed a target upon you. To her you are the bad guy. She is thinking about leaving or making some change. Don’t make your target bigger!
Your response, “do you think that’s best?” and then leaving before she can even answer will likely just get her more upset. You didn’t listen to her, or hear her reasoning, or validate her concerns/feelings, just said your view and left.
It is true that you don’t want to start or get dragged into relationship talks when things are off the rails. Usually the leaving spouse uses such conversations to further their justifications. Realize she is blaming you and the relationship, so talking about it reinforces her ideas for leaving.
However, if she wants to say something, do listen. Let her speak. Validate her view. Not promote your’s. Apologize where it is appropriate. You don’t be a doormat and get walked all over either. There is a validation thread with good information (link is in the welcoming post).
That is if she is speaking. If she is simply disrespecting you, that’s a different kettle of fish. Then boundaries come into play. At the moment, and with what you shared, it doesn’t sound like that is the case.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
