DW, I don't know how to answer that, because I've obviously not been privvy to the conversations. That said, here's some suggestions:

* Never throw w under the bus

* You can say that you're sorry daughter feels x, y, z, all the while reminding D that her mother loves her.

* You can try to help D find a bigger perspective on this, if that's applicable. In my case, I have no compunction about throwing my ex in laws under the bus. They created this mess, we all know it and have been open about it for years. My son's never met his grandfather because my exh cut him out of our lives 4 years before we had our son. Son knows exactly what I mean when I say, "Look at the role models your dad had as a kid. He may be doing a lousy job, but he's definitely doing the best he can and treating you better than he was treated."

Some thoughts. Take what applies, leave the rest.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver