Looks like the lockmonster took care of the old thread overnight. Time to start a new one for my fellow apartment dwellers. But here's the link to our old address:
I really was not in the mood to post today, but since the lock occurred, I decided to do it. I'm really struggling right now, and my issues are not with Mr. Wonderful. They are what is happening in the world around me: politics, wars, religion and local matters.
I dropped by D7's special ed teacher's house last night for a much needed chat. I will start by saying I adore her; she has a wonderful H and a darling almost D2. The day she came to take over D7's school was the day my life changed for the better. And she has a wonderful team working with her.
She grabbed me and pulled me outside to tell me that one of D7's TA's committed suicide nearly 3 weeks ago. She was told not to say anything because either the principal or the school district decided it was best for the children not to know that she died, only because they didn't want to say how.
This woman was younger than I am. I felt twangs of something when we were at an art show a month ago and she mentioned that she wanted to babysit, because she said she didn't have a life. D7 loved this woman, and the TA loved her back. I had no idea that she was living such a painful existence.
What is worse is that she was loved at the school. Because of how she died, nobody will have the opportunity to acknowledge her gifts, her passing and grieve. And I think this is wrong.
I will miss her. She was a talented person with a gift for seeing beyond the obvious to find the soul underneath. I hope she's happier now.
Contrary to what I was told, I pulled D10 and D7 aside (separately) at home last night to tell them. D10 cried and I was once again forced to acknowledge a subject I think is tough for 10 year olds (it's tough for 42 year olds too). Then D7 got a pouty lip and was sad.
I just hope the other kids have the chance to miss her like she deserves... not to be told that she just went away or was transferred. What a tragic ending for a very special person.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I think that not telling the kids just compounds the lonliness of the suicide. A person commits suicide because they feel alone. And then the people who should have cared don't want to publicly acknowledge her death? It just sounds so awful to me...
I am glad you mentioned this woman. She deserves some recognition, even if it's on a BB where no one might have actually met her.
Bets, I am so sorry to here about your friend. I can't believe they would keep this a secret. She needs to be remembered for her accomplishments and love.
God Bless You "Friend", you will be missed.
I hope your PMA will go up soon and the things you are going thru now will be better very soon.
Betsey, I am sorry for your loss. Your compassion and your willingness to face feelings are the reason so many of us appreciate you here on the bb.
Perhaps you do not want to rock the boat, but you may have an opportunity to really help your board and the administrators through a difficult time. Done properly the community has this time to both acknowledge the tragic passing of a wonderful person who was unable to deal with her pain AND open up a very important dialogue about depression, sadness and hopelessness.
Their refusal to face the circumstances of her death are the real tragedy. Sweeping things under the rug and collective denial really foster isolation and I would imagine a sense of shame.
Wouldn't it be great to have a time to really acknowledge this young person's contributions? Would you feel you might encourage the board to have a "memorial" and INCLUDE an interactive small group discussion of ways to reach out when you are in pain. It would be a great testament to this person's life if, through her misfortune, others might learn how to open up in discussion...learn how to ask for help...recognize when a friend or colleague is in pain.
It certainly is NOT your responsibility to have to take this on. But it may be an idea you might want to consider passing along to the powers that be. Their head in the sand approach is not only unrealistic- believe me, the word is OUT- I think it is dangerous and it sends a message of shame.
I send you this in love and support. May you be comforted in your loss and may all who are in pain and hopelessness find the love and support that might help them discover joy in living.
Thanks, guys. LNL, a TA is a teacher's assistant. They are assigned to the kids with special needs who need them. And she was awesome.
I'll find a way to make her someone who is not forgotten. We have a golf tournament in a few months, and I'm already putting some wheels in motion--at least in my head.
Time to check out a few more threads, and I'm outta here.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I find these things really seem amplified because of the situation we are in... but I also know that you know that she no longer feels the pain that she did here on Earth. That she was so loved by the children she touched was quite a blessing... too bad the adults did not think this was an important enough reason to announce her passing. I think children often understand these things better than adults do, and they certainly understand them more than we give them credit for.
I know this has touched you deeply. Know you gave her the gift of your D7 - her wonderful, unconditional love. Hold that little bit of joy in your heart.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I am sorry about your TA. I do believe kids should be told..I had a relative who committed suicide, and all of the kids of our extended family went to the memorial service. It wasn't whitewashed at all. Maybe it's a good lesson for the kids in what NOT to do in the future as well. And the kids need to grieve also. I don't know that death hits kids nearly as hard as adults, at least it never did for me...not younger kids anyway.
Betsey 
