I can't say enough about making sure that you don't get between the kids and their mom, while also keeping your focus on yourself and the personal changes you'd like to make within, so that you're a husband only a fool will leave.
Thanks for emphasizing this bttrfly. I’m not sure if my conversations with D18 have crossed a line with her relationship with her mom or not. Are there any specific things I’ve mentioned that you feel I should be more cautious about?
Originally Posted by Mach1
How do you feel about all of that ^^^^ ??
How you did..??
How you reacted, or if you acted, rather than REacted ???
What could you have done better ??
How were the M&M's ??? : )
I’m not exactly sure how I feel about how I did. It’s nice to no longer care about speaking up for myself, but at the same time I’ve spent months avoiding raising my voice at all. I do wish that I said many of the same things, only more calmly. When W walked in the bathroom, I said we could talk when I got out of the shower. Instead, she opened the shower door and started the conversation. I cut her off when the BS started coming out of her mouth, and at the end told her to get out of there. She wasn’t coming to me with her feelings, she was blaming me for her family finding out. I guess I just stopped caring about validating and empathy. And even during the weekend I mostly stopped thinking about her and her feelings at all. The exception was at the rental car place because I could see her getting anxiety. I helped her get her car and she followed me to the hotel. It’s hard because I obviously care about her. Part of me feels guilty for ignoring how she feels. She is my wife and her head is a mess right now. But I also had a much better time by not worrying about that.
I think she is going to finally be more proactive about completing the D process. I do finally feel like my personal life will be better without her. I am at peace with that part for the moment. But I do feel like things will be worse for D5 and I struggle with whether I am still honoring my vows if I give up. I do still view W as a person going through a mental health crisis. I have no way to know if that is temporary or not. Long ago, after the first PA and even at the beginning of this sitch, I said if I knew she cheated on me I was done. Obviously I’ve “known” for a while now, I wasn’t sure how I’d react when it came out of her mouth. So far my reaction has been a confirmation that I do deserve better.
As far as acting vs reacting, I don’t know. I reacted to her bombarding me in the shower. I acted during the trip by focusing on myself. If I could do the whole weekend over, I don’t think I would done anything different. I feel good emotionally with the exception of potentially losing 50% of my time with D5.
Oh, and the M&M’s… I think W must have been eating those because I was too busy doing other things. I didn’t spend much time in my room and I thought I’d have some reading time, but didn’t touch my book either. Trying to continue with my GAL. I only ran once while I was gone, so I gotta start back up today. Got a ticket to a show with friends while I was gone. And I need to figure out weekend plans. M&M’s are going to have to wait.
