Newbie and needing help please

[BL42]

First off, see a lawyer to know where you stand financially.

This is really useful. I know you've mentioned it before & I just thought that H has always been such a good man that we can sort something that works for both of us. I also thought it feels like it's making it more definite and likely to happen. I am starting to see things differently now.

Do not rely on H being "such a good man". Absolutely consult a lawyer to see where you stand. These things often take a turn for the worse as time goes on. Know your rights. It doesn't mean you or he has to pursue any action, but knowledge equals power.

I am terrified he will be seeing this as me being vindictive and this will bias his thinking negatively towards me. However, I am also starting to realise that if that is the case, then I can't influence his mind. He needs to do him and I need to do me!

He is already having an affair. He is already wanting a divorce. Think of it like the worse has already happened. Stop walking on glass; It's time to drop your fear about exactly what words to say or what to do. Instead stand up for yourself and do what's best for you and the kids.

Interestingly, he put a wash on and tidied the kitchen for the first time since he admitted to the affair last night. Don't know what that is about. Possibly another manipulation following the finance talk.

My W did tons of yardwork the month she left. Why would you do that right before you walk out? Who knows...doesn't always make sense.