Morning DnJ, I found your words really helpful last night & they gave me a bit to think about. I have my first session of IC today and I'm looking forward to this.
Originally Posted by DnJ
First off, see a lawyer to know where you stand financially. For example, if H were to move out, is he liable for the mortgage and bills, or not? And what about the other martial debt (cards and such)? If so, I’d expect it would be prorated according to reported income levels of the two of you. That being said, the mortgage I could see H requiring to pay a portion - if he is listed on the ownership documents. The monthly household bills, I’d think he’d not be responsible for since he isn’t living there. Of course, the kids live there, and he is responsible for a portion of their care and costs, which includes those aforementioned bills.
This is really useful. I know you've mentioned it before & I just thought that H has always been such a good man that we can sort something that works for both of us. I also thought it feels like it's making it more definite and likely to happen. I am starting to see things differently now.
Originally Posted by DnJ
An interesting thing is the use of the word “but”. This is not because of this topic, just a good opportunity methinks.
“But” usually is utilized as a justification for whatever proceeded it. Folks justifying some action they know or feel is not quite right but it happened anyhow.
If you are not threatening him, even unintentionally, why wait for him to decide to remain? He is currently living there. Has been for quite some time. So, revisit his and your financial contributions to the common expenses. Unless you are (were?) ok with things as they were.
In other words, why now?
If you two have separate finances, and have all along, you should have a periodic visiting of your financial health and each person’s share. I’m guessing that is not the case.
If you are serious about tweaking the contributions: Since this topic is broached with H already, sit down and do it. No blame or because of affair or possible moving out. Just to organize your finances. Otherwise, you are just rocking the boat.
I've broached this now because we get paid in 1 week and also he's said there is a flat coming on to the lettings list in March. I don't really believe this so wanted to get our house finances in order. I am terrified he will be seeing this as me being vindictive and this will bias his thinking negatively towards me. However, I am also starting to realise that if that is the case, then I can't influence his mind. He needs to do him and I need to do me!
Interestingly, he put a wash on and tidied the kitchen for the first time since he admitted to the affair last night. Don't know what that is about. Possibly another manipulation following the finance talk.
