Thanks DnJ, I like the room mate analogy. Today is an OK day. She'd a tear this morning but been good the rest of the day & have managed a chicken sandwich. Off for a walk later.
I'm not sure I've got the following right at all so please let me know how I could have handled it differently. H earns less than me & I have always subsidised his part in bills, mortgage & child related costs. He doesn't actually earn a lot less than me and over the years, I have built up costs on cards so have very little disposable income. I have managed this by working extra. I'm waiting for H to move out but I'm not sure he'll actually go due to cost. I spoke to him previously and said if he couldn't go then we needed to re look at his financial contribution. As I'm reading what I'm saying, I can see this maybe comes across as a threat but it wasn't said or meant like that. It's just that if he stays, I need the financial arrangement to be equal so we both have money to pursue our lives. If he goes my mum and dad have said they will help me out. When I gave him a breakdown of all the household costs today, he was shocked and immediately said I can't afford that, it will leave me with hardly anything. I said I know it’s difficult but I want this to be amicable and fair and walked out. He's come to me a couple of times since saying how stressed he is, he's taken this week off sick because of the stress and he's not eating much (that makes two of us). I can feel myself getting sucked in to protecting him again. If Im honest, part of the money thing was because I don't want him to have his cake and eat it. If he moves out, he won't be able to sustain the lifestyle he's shown OW he has. I'm back to rambling! I know I've not quite got this right so could do with some advice on next steps. Thanks as ever.
Last edited by DnJ; 02/20/2307:16 PM. Reason: Corrected typo.
