He is still saying he is looking for a flat and won't take advantage whilst he is living with us but it's like he is deliberately going out of his way to be hurtful.
WAS become master manipulators. Living such a duplicitous life twists one up. There is a reason adultery/affair is a sin.
Originally Posted by MA1970
When he'd gone D(16) said he had talked to her & basically admitted that he had been with OW on Friday, where they had gone (possibly with her 2 children) to a local place of scenery, on Saturday night he went to a music gig with her and today he is round at her’s as we speak.
I’d suspect H wants you to be the bad guy and kick him out. Simultaneously he is trying to normalize his actions to you all. Manipulate you and the kids into thinking this is ok.
Originally Posted by MA1970
I realize that I'm not following the DB rules.
Stop relationship talks.
Until H ends seeing her he will use R talks as fuel against himself. To prove he is a bad person and not worthy. The OW will soothe his self-inflected pains. Don’t play along. Don’t add fuel to it.
Originally Posted by MA1970
…any pearls of wisdom, particularly about how I get him out of the house are welcomed!
Treat him like a roommate. Be kind and cordial. And be a roommate.
Did you ever live with a roommate in your younger years? Did you worry if they went out? Did you ask questions of them like where and why? No, of course not. That’s where you need to get to. Focus on you and the kids. GAL. Let H go.
H needs to feel the loss to maybe reconsider what he is doing. That’s DB.
Originally Posted by MA1970
it felt so nice though to have a bit of our old relationship back.
Yes, it will. For a moment. Then reality will crash back in, and you will feel horrible all over again. Please don’t repeat this cycle too much.
Withdrawal is pretty tough. Really tough! I know!!
Originally Posted by MA1970
On the positive side, when I do DB, it seems to be effective.
It certainly can be. You moving forward on the path, saves you, and gives you the best chance at saving your marriage.
And yes, H is watching you and noticing. Stay strong and stay on course. (((Hugs)))
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
