Every time you have a R discussion with him and show him you’re still keen to work things out - it’s another nail in the coffin of your marriage.
You need to seek some IC on why you keep doing this when you know it’s not the right thing to do. You seem to regret all your talks soon after, and you discover he was off with OM again and you feel like crap.
Why keep doing it? An over-riding principle of DBing is to stop doing things which haven’t worked and try something different.
Time to start acting with your brain, not your emotions.
I guarantee every time you have an interaction with him regarding your relationship he is getting further away and less likely to reconcile.
His brain: 1. I’m having an affair. What if it doesn’t work out, will MA1970 still be there to catch the pieces if this turns to sh*t? 2. I’ll ask her, check and see how strong my monkey branch is. 3. Starts relationship talk where MA1970 pleads and begs and flirts. 4. Wow, that branch is rock solid. I can go back whenever I like. 5. Also, she still wants me even when I’m treating her like dirt. That’s so pathetic and desperate. 6. I’m not attracted to someone with such low self respect. 7. I’ll should definitely move on and keep going with OW.
This is what is happening in his brain, and you keep re-inforcing it.
