This illustrates just how confused her thinking is, and where she is emotionally.
My then W, two weeks after bomb drop, berated the kids for not being over it yet. She listed off on her fingers the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Then said, “That should take you five days. I gave you two weeks! And you’re still not over it!”
Of course five days or two weeks is completely unrealistic. At fourteen days in, I told her as much. I also asked, “have you lost your mind?” Lol. (My XW is a very lost soul.)
Your W’s empathy chip is currently broken. Or overloaded/overwhelmed might be more apt. You see, her feelings are cranked to eleven and she really just can’t handle them. Never mind anyone else’s feelings.
Originally Posted by Rockon
“It’s not about him.”
This is quite a gift. Remember this statement.
Yes, it’s not about him. Or daughter. Or you. It’s about her.
My XW also blurted out stuff that like. Among their fantasy narrative, their rewritten history, their projections, their blame, their justifications, and their gaslighting; some nuggets of truth exist. Unintentional and unrealized as those nuggets may be to one’s wayward spouse.
I found discussing statements like that one above, with my kids, answered many questions and provide a good ice breaker for further conversations. “It’s not about him”, that’s gold. And such a help on their journey towards acceptance and forgiveness.
For all the destruction XW wrought down upon me and the kids, she also provided gifts and answers. We just had to see them.
Give her to God Rock. And walk in the light.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
