Do consider your options and continue moving forward. Stick to the path.
To that end and to what you can control. A mindset for you to mull over:
- I understand that you are continuing to have an affair. I accept that you have chosen this.
Acceptance is a multi-layered onion. Do you respect her right to do it? Her right to live as she sees fit?
- It hurts me very deeply and I am worried about the trajectory of what your choices will have upon our family.
Be specific. What do you see, or feel, or think, or believe, or imagine is awaiting to befall your family? How does her decisions, her right to live how she chooses, her trajectory, going to actually impact you and the kids? Then see what you can do about that. I’m figuring you are thinking more than mere monies here. For example, the loss of family vacations. Which is not really the case (as I found out). Just a family vacation without Mom. Still a family. A modified one is all.
- I can speak for myself and for what I see in our kids and what they are telling me that we feel abandoned.
Do you or the kids blame W/Mom for abandoning you? Do you feel/think/believe why you (and kids) feel abandon is her fault? Or she is the cause? I hope not, otherwise she’d be the only who could fix it.
W/Mom’s actions are just that - her actions. Her behaviour does not dictate nor control you or your kids’ feelings. BTW, I completely understand having oneself and one’s kids abandoned by their W/Mom. (And that’s almost completely abandoned, like three short visits a year is all they interact. Absolutely zero with me.) Healing is not contingent upon their Mom returning or awakening.
- I am considering my options to protect our family so that we can grieve and heal.
Good. Are you sticking to healing and working through grief? Protecting sounds like a different tact.
Do consider your options and strategies for healing and grief. One of which is not protecting from hurt. Feel the hurt. And grow and gain strength.
Something like: I am guiding and strengthening my family so that we can grieve and heal.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
