Ok, here’s a new development that has been a trigger for me to think more about saying something because I had been pretty locked in about actions not words, felt I had long ago made myself crystal clear and said everything I needed to say.
W sent me screenshots by mistake of flights. The images mean to me that W has invited OM to visit her. She immediately texted: “Sorry! Wrong photos!”
So that is specifically what has got me thinking about addressing it. But maybe I just move forward without talking.
I suppose my intentions in responding would be to give her the information that I understand what those images mean and that I accept that she has made this choice and is going further with it. I had told her before that I would not react harshly with anything that she wanted to tell me. And so I saw this as an opportunity to be consistent and honest with that. It was her unintentionally telling something but it was her telling me something nevertheless. And I was intending to have a response of further moving forward (action) and giving a truth dart (words) that this (her choices to be autonomous and not in unity with our family and to have that outer relationship) are having a painful abandonment effect on our family and the trajectory is bad for us to stay his way. I accept that that is what she has said and consistently demonstrated that she wants and that’s fine for her to choose that. I accept that is who she is and what she wants. And it is not sustainable for us to continue to live life like this. So I have important things to consider. To have a truth dart reinforcement of how this is impacting us. And that I’m moving forward.
But then again she has not been showing any interest in wanting to know how it’s impacting us and she has often reacted harshly when that information has come to her. She didn’t sent those photos to me with a question asking for my response. Maybe I just should not engage. This is really f-ing hard.
Do I have any reason to believe that I can affect change with her? Yes. I do realize that my influence is limited with her and I believe that I can make things worse. I do believe however that it is also possible that I can have a positive influence on her by DB ing and looking after my side of the street .
