Although in all fairness, I have to say the most romantic date I've ever been on was with him on our 19th wedding anniversary. That is a cherished memory, untarnished by anything, including his most monstrous post BD behavior. A guy's gonna have to go far to beat that date.
Originally Posted by BL42
Wonder if his personality that leant to making such a romantic date led him to being a cheater, or if they're completely unrelated. Just a thought...
I had the same thought about this! My narcissistic ex could be good about the grand gestures - but it had less to do with me and more to do with him trying to create some perfect image in his mind. The bed strewn with plumeria blossoms in the Hawaiian beachfront room - yeah, that was him trying to create some image in his head. The really kind, thoughtful, caring things that other boyfriends have done for me - were not his forte. The foot massages, the telling me to sit down and rest while he'll cook dinner - those things are more meaningful and my ex never did those things.
Glad someone else understood what I was trying to say there and it resonated with you kml. Thought maybe I touched a nerve with bttrfly based on her response.
Just meant sometimes the people who are over the top with things (E.g., love bombing, overly happy to the point it comes off as fake, grand gestures...etc.) are actually just putting on a face and likely to do something like backstab or cheat despite the vibe they try to send you with their words and actions.
Don't know bttrfly's Ex at all obviously so not judging him or the 19th anniversary romance specifically, but do think that's the case at times for some people exhibiting those treats and something I'll look at for the future.
Always got the impression ExMIL came off as a little too over the top / fake in her welcomes and interactions, and now know my gut was right all along with ExMIL...AND that (surprise, surprise) ExW exhibits those same traits.
My exh was never a grand gesture guy.
He was the guy who would notice if I'd been having a hard time and bring my a bouquet of roses, "just because I noticed you've been having a hard time lately and I want you to know how much I love you."
yes, KML. He did awful things too. I'm going to say it before you have a chance to jump in and remind me and everyone else. But, we aren't talking about the awful things here. We're talking about grand gestures, and that wasn't his style.
One more thing:
I think it's really REALLY important for everyone, and I'm not singling any particular person out as I post this -- It's important for EVERYONE here, myself included, to think before they post and ask one simple question: are you responding from a place of your own trigger-point or a place of neutrality?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
