Postcards from the Island of Misfit Toys ...

[BL42]

Although in all fairness, I have to say the most romantic date I've ever been on was with him on our 19th wedding anniversary. That is a cherished memory, untarnished by anything, including his most monstrous post BD behavior. A guy's gonna have to go far to beat that date.

Wonder if his personality that leant to making such a romantic date led him to being a cheater, or if they're completely unrelated. Just a thought...

I had the same thought about this! My narcissistic ex could be good about the grand gestures - but it had less to do with me and more to do with him trying to create some perfect image in his mind. The bed strewn with plumeria blossoms in the Hawaiian beachfront room - yeah, that was him trying to create some image in his head. The really kind, thoughtful, caring things that other boyfriends have done for me - were not his forte. The foot massages, the telling me to sit down and rest while he'll cook dinner - those things are more meaningful and my ex never did those things.

Glad someone else understood what I was trying to say there and it resonated with you kml. Thought maybe I touched a nerve with bttrfly based on her response.

Just meant sometimes the people who are over the top with things (E.g., love bombing, overly happy to the point it comes off as fake, grand gestures...etc.) are actually just putting on a face and likely to do something like backstab or cheat despite the vibe they try to send you with their words and actions.

Don't know bttrfly's Ex at all obviously so not judging him or the 19th anniversary romance specifically, but do think that's the case at times for some people exhibiting those treats and something I'll look at for the future.

Always got the impression ExMIL came off as a little too over the top / fake in her welcomes and interactions, and now know my gut was right all along with ExMIL...AND that (surprise, surprise) ExW exhibits those same traits.