I'm all over the place. I think he's found a flat to move to. The OW has two children so he can't move in with her (he said he wouldn't anyway). I'm so frightened that he won't come to his senses. It's surreal. I can see how much he cares and still loves me but its like he has completely cut off any sexual /intimate side & almost views me as a mother. I can see that DW17 & Mike P are right. I felt / feel like I can't cope with the anxiety I feel when he's in the house but it seems so definite him moving out.
I've got a couple of questions. To give you some context - H came from a cold family who didn't really do emotions. He has tended to use alcohol as an avoidance of emotions hence him never telling me how unloved he felt. After he admitted to the affair a couple of nights ago, he has clearly been struggling with his guilt coming to the surface & today has stopped talking to me and the kids & just sitting in his room drinking alcohol. This has caused me a lot of anxiety because I love him and worry about his future (I know its his responsibility and he's a grown man). My questions are how do I ensure that he continues to have a relationship with D(16) & S(19) and this doesn't suffer as a result of him going. Also, I get the focus on me stuff but I'm also frightened that he'll forget about me and that I'm willing to work at the relationship if he cuts off.
I'm so sad, I just feel empty. I'm still struggling to eat and have lost 14lbs in 12 days. I've been trying to walk when anxiety gets bad and want to start at the gym but am worried about going without any food for strength.
In my own reflections, I've come to some realisations. We've been in a terrible vicious cycle. I've been resentful of him not contributing more financially (I'm the main wage earner), this probably led to him feeling emasculated, I then wouldn't be particularly nice and go on at him about his drinking (if you've got enough to buy wine, how come you can't get the shopping this week) this would probably lead to more stress and more drinking, I would then turn down any advances for intimacy, he would feel rejected. I would then comfort eat & feel unhappy in my body thus not feeling body confident enough for sex. It wasn't a completely sexless relationship but looking back, definitely sex starved. I just wish he'd done the same amount if reflection because all of our difficulties feel solvable to me but only if we both want to solve them. This is all so hard.
