It's because you allow her to do it. It's not fog, MLC or whatever you want to label it.
I was thinking about this recently when reading a comment on another post. When we first went through this 14 years ago, I got upset, called her out on her BS, left the house for a week or two, gave her some ultimatums....basically didn't allow her to treat me badly, but definitely not DB principles. We never worked through anything and we were back together in a few weeks. This time was definitely much different and I highly doubt that that strategy would have worked again, but it does cause some what ifs. The first time around, I don’t remember feeling guilty for anything. I blamed her 100% and failed to see my part in it. This time I took blame for everything initially, which maybe led to things dragging on like they have. Ultimately, we both made choices and I must accept the path I’ve chosen.
As for the sandwiches, I’ve gotten my fill of those. Still don’t like them.
Originally Posted by BL42
The thing is there's "knowing" about the affair in the abstract, which you've dealt with emotionally, and then there's seeing tangible evidence of it thrown in your face in your own house.
I agree. It’s easier to mentally detach from things when it’s “out of sight, out of mind”, even when you know it’s happening. That’s why we don’t ride together or share a bed – I needed the constant texting out of sight.
D18 and S19 definitely have no confusion about the bad actor. I hope the knowledge they gain through this outweighs any negative side effects. I just hope I’m modeling the correct behavior. I’ve been honest with them through the whole process. I’ve talked to them about being independent, expecting mutual respect in a relationship and not letting someone walk on them. I’ve talked about the reasons for my actions, or lack thereof, and have also expressed the reasons why I’ve been fighting to save this. Neither of them are reliant on W for anything, other than the emotional support you expect of a parent, which they currently are not even receiving from her. They understand they can navigate their relationship with W in any way they choose.
