If you want to work on this marriage, fine, if you don't, I have some decisions to make in the next few weeks.
Or how about:
“Wife, it’s abundantly clear I am the only one invested in saving this marriage. You have made your intentions to break our family apart and pursue OM (insert actual name) clear. I deserve so much better than to be a third wheel in your affair - so I happily accept your choice and wish you both well 👍
Today I filed for divorce. My lawyer is xxxx *insert name/address* and they will contact you shortly. Hopefully we can amicably agree to financial and custodial arrangements without expensive legal representation, but initially while the dust settles, please direct all enquiries to my lawyer.
You came here and made decisions to save your marriage. To believe in the sanctity of marriage. To take divorce busting steps. To become the best verison of yourself. And so on.
This is a Divorce Busting forum, and divorce busting efforts towards saving/renewing your marriage/relationship, not promoting steps to end it. You filing will guarantee you get divorced.
Utimatiums and deadlines are utilized in the “after the last-resort technique”. When everything else has been utilized and one’s spouse will not turn around. It is the the very last ditch effort, the trying everything you could. In my opinion, you and your situation are not there.
Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.
You have the gift of time, use it wisely.
D
Last edited by DnJ; 02/15/2303:21 PM.
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
DnJ, This is very true and I am renewing, refreshing and reenergizing my resolve and focus to divorce bust and save our marriage. I have some decisions to make about how to do that well and to heal and not make things worse.
I don't know that you should go out and file for D. Only you can decide that. And as DnJ says, it'll likely result in you getting D'd (though hate to say it, unfortunately you're probably on that path anyway).
What I do know for sure is you need to change your mindset to one of much closer to what Kind18 says. When your W said "maybe she will just move away" you know to where she was referring. Start acting like you're too good to be cheated on and won't accept it anymore.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Rock, you need to be realistic in your approach, ruthlessly honest about your motives, not guided by fear, and very aware of your personal Mendoza line.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I really value and appreciate all of you caring about me and providing your hard earned perspectives. Had a deep IC session today. Processing a lot of what we have been discussing here. I am going to proceed mindfully and not rushed. Today also I had a great connection with D.
