It's progress, not perfection...

[Elbereth]

Hey BL42,

I'm not sure if I will use a matchmaker, OLD, or what, but even though I have a lot of fear, there is a part of me that is looking forward to a future with someone.

Lots of OLD discussion, but not much matchmaker talk! Where do you even find one these days?

Don’t worry, not all old-fashioned like that where you find a matchmaker through your Aunt Lidia. I would look into a service… there are a few of those that are nationwide.

Honestly, I've tried very hard to avoid all contact with my ex but it seems that every few weeks or so something comes up and he reaches out.

I'm much better when there is no contact at all...no reminders...no seeing his name or hearing his voice.

Honest question...can't you block him? What necessitates contact these days? You don't have young children together.

Of course, I could block him, but I feel like that would complicate my relationship with my SSs, his kids, who are barely adults. Right now I'm avoiding him but not blocking him completely. I may later as the kids get bigger, but right now this is where I am at. Yes, it bothers me when he reaches out, but at least it's not constant. If it becomes unmanageable on my part, then I may block him. My focus is to maintain a positive relationship with my SSs. And drama with their dad would complicate things.

His family did find out that no one told me that he got married. In fact, when he told them that he was getting married, they told him he needed to tell me. So they thought he had. Needless to say, I think the family thought that was pretty disrespectful of him. I agreed.

You know what was WAY more disrespectful than not telling you he got remarried? Having the affair and divorcing you in the first place. Not even close.

Yep, very true! Yes, it hurt, but I do realize that it is just more disrespect toward me...on par with what he's been doing for a long time. I shouldn't be surprised, I know, but I guess at some point I hoped he'd actually be respectful (considering how gracious I've been). I can't help it. But I've been realizing that he just isn't ever going to be that person. When someone shows you who and what they are, you should believe it. And I'm starting to believe it.

Right now I am being the better person. And I think everyone in our circle sees that. Except maybe my XH. Who knows. But for now, I am just focusing on my life and my relationship with the kids. I am doing my best to avoid him. I'm doing my best to move forward.

Thanks for your encouragement! It's definitely been a struggle.

El