Yes, all is well in my wee slice of heaven. The temperature has risen out of the -30s and it has been remaining around and a bit above freezing for the last few days. Very welcomed and enjoyed. Star gazing is much more comfortable when one’s exposed skin won’t freeze in under 60 seconds. Lol.
Later evening, and night time strolls, down the lane peering at the twinkling stars and bright planets always brings a calm and peaceful embrace. I find contemplating the vastness and one’s comparative insignificance somehow puts things into perspective. And there is a real sense of belonging and wonderment. A draw, or dare I say, a union with that which is much more than man.
I’m sorry with how much struggling you are having these past months. H is still continuing his long displayed irrational behaviour and filing motion after motion. Him asking to have you put in jail is just over the top. Rather frivolous and wasteful of the court’s resources, his pointless pursuit of all this. And yes, talking to H is presently akin to reasoning with an alligator.
Remember, and realize that. Alligator. You know the nature of an alligator and how they bite and strike. I’d add H’s lawyer to that definition as well.
Stay strong during the Zoom trial. Focus on your intellect. Lock in to that. This is a business deal gone sideways. Treat it as such.
I agree with you, there is little more H can actually do to you. It is likely, and actually the law, to get child support determined. Refinancing, alimony, legal costs, and such, hopefully will likewise come to a ruling, and this whole prolonged mess will conclude.
Originally Posted by Gerda
So this is unpleasant and the endless motions make me feel horrible and always under attack (and wasting money!). But it's not like anything really that awful can happen. Losing my house would be really stupid and sad but it's not death. And everything else will be over. And yet, I am terrified all the time. I wake up constantly at night with heart racing and crazy thoughts, and find my brain is going over and over the same thoughts before I realize what is happening. I am very inefficient in my work, and just foggy and weird feeling all the time. I start crying out of nowhere a lot, and am constantly catching myself feeling this primordial terror and then trying to remind myself that nothing really is going to happen to me.
(((Hug)))
Fear is not within the rational realm. It lives, and hides, within the emotional subconscious realm. Your unwanted responses are perfectly normal to the present triggers and attacks. Do realize, and I know you do , you are imagining future possibilities, an outcome, all of which hasn’t happened and is likely not to. Of course, that’s fear and the ensnaring and entangling which envelopes one.
Logic and reason. Sword and shield. You are not defenceless in such an onslaught. You have a strong a mind and soul. A brightly polished shield of which H’s attacks are mere glances. A sharp sword of which you cleave the triggers and coupling between present events and imagined outcomes. Fear shrinks and withers under such purposeful conscience rational illumination.
Originally Posted by Gerda
I'm still working as hard as ever to keep food on the table, still working on my art and my house stuff when time and money permit, doing all the college app stuff with S17, trying to navigate D13's 13-ness and even taking dance class finally again (and realizing that my body does not work like it used to!)
Congratulations on dance class! Ha, my body certainly isn’t as limber as it once was either.
Nice to hear S17 applying to college. Is he eager with a certain education, trade, or vocation?
Oh, 13-ness. Here’s another hug. (((Hug))). Teenagers.
Originally Posted by Gerda
I have no contact with H at all, but there is this little pipeline always leaking poisoned oil into my brain.
Old wounds getting ripped open, especially with the pending trial. I suspect once it is over you’ll better control that pipeline to your mind and heart. Well, more accept than control.
Originally Posted by Gerda
So DnJ, I guess what I am doing is crying on your shoulder and asking for a few pats on the back.
Totally ok. (((Hug))). I do care and hope and pray the best for you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
, you are imagining future possibilities, an outcome, all of which hasn’t happened and is likely not to. Of course, that’s fear and the ensnaring and entangling which envelopes one.
