Newbie and needing help please

[BL42]

MA1970,

I've no idea how you do the fancy boxes quoting text

Hit the "Quote" button in the lower right corer of the comment, near the Like and Reply buttons.

The format is [ quote=MA1970]Text you want in the quote[ /quote], just remove the first space after the bracket. If that makes sense. There's also a "Preview Reply" button on your reply so you can see if it looks correct before posting.

but thank you BL42, I found your comments honestly and helpful.

You're welcome. We're all just paying it forward here.

In terms of the is he an alcoholic question, I would say he's a functioning alcoholic. He gets up for work but drinks every day around 1-2 bottles of wine despite it upsetting me & the kids. Lots of past arguments about this & lots of failed promises to change. A little bit of gaslighting too where he told me the lack of sex was the reason he drank (also one of the reasons for the lack of sex).

Sounds like there are some significant issues with his drinking which need to be addressed if any R is to happen.

I'm slowly remembering the negative stuff in the relationship. It's funny isn't it how H seems biased to remembering the bad stuff and I've seemed bias towards the good stuff!

This is actually very common. People around here refer to it was the WAS/WS "rewriting history" and the LBS "taking off the rose colored glasses".

Anyway, your words helped me a lot today and I certainly feel stronger now than when I posted.

Glad to hear it. I've found all the advice and support here from others is very helpful, even just the fact someone is responding at all and you know someone out there who knows what you're going through took the time to care.

Thanks for the gym article kind18. 30 days of intense exercise...wow!! I'm just waiting for my knee to die down from sudden bout of pain (can't remember knocking it but may well have) & then I'm going to start.

Don't wait for the knee...just do exercise that doesn't impact the knee. Do something!

Another tearful day today but was with a wonderful friend who has invited me out at the weekend so I'm going to put my glam clothes on, do my hair and make up & leave H in charge of daughter at home.

Yes! Getting dressed up and going out with a friend! perfect.

Advice please. Meltdown this morning when I visited where H said he aas working and car not there. I know I shouldn't have done this & I also knew what I would find.

Unfortunately this was very likely. You know now, so unless there's a benefit in the D process to gather evident of the A, it's not going to serve you.

My dilemma is do I confront him and ask him to leave and risk that he'll never come back? Or Do I carry on (its killing me) doing what I'm doing till after D(16) prom with him living his best life getting everything provided at home and going out getting his fix?

You can also not confront but detach yourself and move forward as if he's not an option.

He says that he's not saying yes and not saying no to trying to save the marriage and not ready to make a decision. I think the longer he has the best of both worlds, the longer the affair has to strengthen and it might be a hit of reality if I ask him to leave now.

I agree. The longer he's allowed to get the best of both worlds the more emboldened and confident he'll be. Best to pull the rug out from under their feet early.

Hang in there MA1970. You will get through this.