My W basically did the exact same thing. She justified her decision to separate from me due to years of mental and emotional abuse. I read up on it and found some faults of mine to work on, but it was nowhere near any definition I found of mental/emotional abuse.
As I worked on improving my happiness and giving her space, she shifted toward accusing me of “silent abuse.” W was basically upset because I did not engage in negative conversations or tell her exactly where I was going all of the time. She was upset at not being able to control things. Her accusations have continued to shift as she's trying to find reasons to be upset and absolve herself of any responsibility.
When I described my interactions here, several people mentioned that W was just gaslighting me. Once I realized that, I stopped overanalyzing every single accusation she made and stopped regretting every little thing I may have done wrong. TellMeSo, you can definitely look into your faults and try to make improvements, but don’t beat yourself up by feeling like you are at fault for everything. It will improve your ability to handle those interactions in the future.
Thank you DW17 and BL42.
I sometimes feel that my W is trying to provoke me to show negative emotions or to put so called pressure on her to have a good reason to divorce. Apart from the first 2 weeks after hearing the "news", I have been calm and signaling back mostly positive energy to avoid this.
Sometimes it feels that she is trying to force me to be the one to file or make active steps towards divorce. Either because she is scared or she wants another justification in her actions. I can easily call this pressure from her side on me to go back on my marriage vows.
I guess it's part of emotional rollercoaster but some days I am thinking as if I was the one gaslighting her, next day it's completely opposite and I think that she could have been gaslighting me.
