I totally agree BF. More accurate to say I am working at detaching and going from surviving to thriving. And it is my hope to do well at standing not waiting. I want to learn this well.
Detachment is nice DnJ but it isn’t easy and I’m not there all the time…
Yep.
Detachment brings control of your emotions. Indifference brings a reprieve from them.
Indifference is a time of numbness or attenuation of one’s feelings towards their spouse. And a golden opportunity to sort out who you are, to dig and understand one’s beliefs and convictions, while temporarily muted from the noise and pull of one’s spouse and their behaviour.
Originally Posted by Rockon
I have asked God to forgive her and bring about his work. I have benefited from much grace and forgiveness and patience from God and others in my life. I have asked Him to help me not stand in a place of judgment as God but for me to follow what He is presenting me with.
Love the sinner, forgive the sin.
We people work to forgive the deed, the transgression. Only God is wise enough to know and therefore forgive the person and soul.
Realize you are not forgiving W, rather forgiving her behaviour.
Originally Posted by Rockon
I do experience ill will, dark thoughts and temptation to seek retribution, judgment etc towards W, especially towards OM and at times directed at myself. I encounter temptations to act out. But these things are not what I want nor where I want to go.
So, where do you want to go? What life’s headings are you steering towards?
It’s perfectly ok to not have an immediate answer(s).
This unwanted crucible we all found ourselves in, can be just that - where one finds their “self”. Have faith, answer will present themselves when one is calm and at peace.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I am willing to do what is right and what it takes. In making changes for me, I don’t want to give into ideas that I have to become someone else or compete with AP. I need to be solid and unwavering in making lasting positive changes while not violating my core values. I am reevaluating everything and discerning what is serving me and what is not for me.
I am willing to do what is right and what it takes. In making changes for me, I don’t want to give into ideas that I have to become someone else or compete with AP. I need to be solid and unwavering in making lasting positive changes while not violating my core values. I am reevaluating everything and discerning what is serving me and what is not for me.
Right now, you do those things for YOU....
You evaluate what is good in your life, and throw away the bad traits that you have developed throughout your relationship.
You are prepping for your next relationship, making a template of what you want, what you need, what you give, etc....
Now, that next relationship could very well be with your current spouse, you don't know that yet and can't worry about that either....
Anything rekindled, would be an entirely new relationship anyway....
You control one person Rock....
Give me one example of something that you changed, that you didn't like about yourself ??
I wasn’t honest with myself about myself before. In so many ways, I paid attention to others, serving their needs, worrying about them (W’s emotions, her mental and physical health, our kids special needs and significant traumas we have sustained as a family and the massive needs in my line of work).
I didn’t take care of myself for me or to have masculine power. I zoned out and didn’t pay attention to being attractive and having mystery and excitement in our M.
This is something I don’t like about before that I am confronting. Boundaries, healthy individuation/separation. What and who I need to be.
I am not abandoning the positive character traits of kindness and compassion but I need to be strong to lead and be healthy. And I’m doing all of that.
I also was too passive about W’s wants (“what do you want to do for a date? Where do you want to eat?”) without taking more leadership, planning great times and saying what I WANT.
