It's progress, not perfection...

[Elbereth]

Hello all. I thought I'd pop in to provide a little update. I apologize that I've not had the chance to check up on how others' situations are progressing.

I went on a trip in the fall which was amazing. However, I caught covid during the trip. I also had another medical issue before I left, so both of those things set me back a bit health-wise. Before that I was feeling amazing. I'd lost weight, felt more energy, and was doing regular exercise. I am still working back up to where I was. I do think covid left some lasting effects on my energy level and my lungs.

The holidays were awkward. After so many years of having a family of my own to celebrate with, it was a very lonely time. A family member of mine did invite me over and I wasn't alone on Xmas day, but it didn't really feel like a holiday. But I'm still grateful for it. I was able to see my boys for a couple of hours while they were in town. Of course, at their ages, they just want to see their friends, so that I tried not to take it personally. But it did make me very sad. I guess all of these feelings are normal during the holidays. It is a hard time for a lot of people, right?

My medical issues have dragged out a bit so that has slowed down any attempt at dating. But after I have my surgery, I hope that by early summer I can put focus on it. I'm not sure if I will use a matchmaker, OLD, or what, but even though I have a lot of fear, there is a part of me that is looking forward to a future with someone. Or at least spending some time with someone and growing my confidence.

I've continued counseling and a lot of self-help. I have had my ups and downs for sure. Honestly, I've tried very hard to avoid all contact with my ex but it seems that every few weeks or so something comes up and he reaches out. My counselor thinks he's doing it on purpose to keep me close. Maybe so. I'm cordial, but I am not friendly. I honestly do not know what to think. All I know is that each time I get a message, it gets to me and I'm down for a few days. I then dwell on him and he comes back into my dreams. I'm much better when there is no contact at all...no reminders...no seeing his name or hearing his voice. All those things are hard. Even with knowing that he isn't the person I fell in love with.

His family did find out that no one told me that he got married. In fact, when he told them that he was getting married, they told him he needed to tell me. So they thought he had. Needless to say, I think the family thought that was pretty disrespectful of him. I agreed. I've also have the impression they do not care much for the OW nor do they approve of the marriage. However, I avoid asking too many questions. His family continues to be supportive of me. Which I'm so grateful for. I've also asked the relatives to check in with the boys...as they avoid talking to me about it all. I worry about how this whole situation has affected them. They said they will try to see what they can find out.

I am still struggling to find work but have had a couple of projects or odd jobs. Health insurance has been a nightmare, but now I think I'm on a decent plan. I'm focusing on applying for jobs and exploring new opportunities. I've also made a few new girlfriends. I also have a few more trips planned for this year. After all that I've been through, I'm doing my best to do things that feed my soul and bring me joy.

Anyway, sending positive vibes to my friends on here, and I will try to catch up with you all within the next few weeks. I'll also check back in to see if my post just sits here and grows cobwebs...then I'll know that my thread is on its deathbed for sure. Haha!

Elbereth