After BD my ExW told me she needed to be alone to work on herself and heal because I had beaten her down for 5 years and she was at a "0" because of my mental abuse.…..It caused me to spin because it was so crazy to hear I actually wondered if it were true. But it wasn't. I've dug down and self-reflected and there are things I could've done better but I absolutely did not beat her down to a 0 and be mentally abusive.
My W basically did the exact same thing. She justified her decision to separate from me due to years of mental and emotional abuse. I read up on it and found some faults of mine to work on, but it was nowhere near any definition I found of mental/emotional abuse.
As I worked on improving my happiness and giving her space, she shifted toward accusing me of “silent abuse.” W was basically upset because I did not engage in negative conversations or tell her exactly where I was going all of the time. She was upset at not being able to control things. Her accusations have continued to shift as she's trying to find reasons to be upset and absolve herself of any responsibility.
When I described my interactions here, several people mentioned that W was just gaslighting me. Once I realized that, I stopped overanalyzing every single accusation she made and stopped regretting every little thing I may have done wrong. TellMeSo, you can definitely look into your faults and try to make improvements, but don’t beat yourself up by feeling like you are at fault for everything. It will improve your ability to handle those interactions in the future.
