Sorry to read your story. I have read 100's very similar. You found a great place for support.

Originally Posted by MA1970
I'm terrified of losing him, I feel so anxious.
The best way I found to address this anxiousness is to focus your thoughts on the present. Right here, right now. DNJ gave you the way to be in the present. Tell us about your walk. Every little detail. IF you catch yourself thinking about the past or the future, tell yourself "Stop! Now is not the time."

"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712