Newbie and needing help please

[DnJ]

I've got the Divorce Remedy book but wondered if the Divorce Busting book offers anything more?

Divorce Remedy is basically the second edition of Divorce Busting. It contains or upgrades the information that is in Divorce Busting. MWD did include new/more information in DR and altered some of the implied guidance/expectations from the DB book. She talks about that very thing, here and there throughout DR.

Most definitely Divorce Remedy is the book to read. I do have both.

D

[MA1970]

Thank you so much. I hear everything you're saying. I just want the hurt and ball of anxiety in my stomach to go. I know I need to go for a walk and get some fresh air & that would be the best thing for me. I just need to find the energy. Thank you DnJ,

[MA1970]

It sounds so hard Mike. Thank you for answering my question. It sounds like things are slowly changing for you and its really hopeful to hear your journey. My family is a big thing for me too.

[MikeP]

It sounds so hard Mike. Thank you for answering my question. It sounds like things are slowly changing for you and its really hopeful to hear your journey. My family is a big thing for me too.

You’re very welcome. I would cautiously say things are getting better. Trying to just do what I need to with the hope that we can work things out. If not I will come out a better, stronger person. Don’t take that as me being uncaring about our relationship. I still love my W with all my heart and will be heartbroken if things go south, just trying to be prepared for whatever comes my way.

[DnJ]

M,

I just want the hurt and ball of anxiety in my stomach to go.

(((Hug)))

Day by day, hour by hour, and in the really bad moments - minute by minute. You will make it.

I know I need to go for a walk and get some fresh air & that would be the best thing for me.

Let’s go.

I know I’m not there. So how about you tell me of your walk. The tress, the grass or snow depending where you live. How many red cars did you see?

I see your first post was 3:30 am my local time. I’m guessing it could be night where you are right now. Might not be the best time for a stroll out in the dark. Won’t see many red cars.

Perhaps it’s late afternoon or evening there. That’s a good time for a stroll and some fresh air.

I live on a ten acre property in the country with a lane that is 1400 feet long. My closest neighbour (I’ve only got two) is across and down the main road which puts them around 1/2 mile away. The town of 600 or so souls is a little further down that main road, so pretty secluded and quiet around here.

About five acres of my lot is wooded forest which is the half that faces town. In the open grass area are several old large cottonwood trees from back when the town was founded over 150 years ago. These are over a hundred feet tall with a crown of limbs and branches that is huge. It takes three adults with hands joined to wreath the trunk of these towers. I found a lot of peace standing/sitting underneath these giants and looking upward towards creation. Be it the mottled sunlight streaming through the branches or the pinpricks of starlight in the inky velvet black of the night sky.

Answers present themselves when one is calm and still and at peace. It took me a while (months) to detach enough to start to see and hear such internal answers and direction.

D

[Ready2Change]

Sorry to read your story. I have read 100's very similar. You found a great place for support.

I'm terrified of losing him, I feel so anxious.

The best way I found to address this anxiousness is to focus your thoughts on the present. Right here, right now. DNJ gave you the way to be in the present. Tell us about your walk. Every little detail. IF you catch yourself thinking about the past or the future, tell yourself "Stop! Now is not the time."

[Ready2Change]

One of the things that also helps is facing and accepting your fears.

Read about the Stockdale paradox and learn to apply it to your life.
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2523723#Post2523723

This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end, which you can never afford to lose, with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

There is a lot to wrap your head around while going through this. It was the best, worst thing I have gone through. But I am glad for the personal growth. I am a better person from going through the experience.


I wish you well.

You can handle this. Hugs.

R2C

[MA1970]

Thank you DnJ. I didn't manage to go for a walk but did manage to avoid the urge to bring up potential infidelity, which is the only thing on my mind at the minute. At work till late tonight but going to try again today to go for a walk. Your words are very comforting

[MA1970]

I read the post on stockdale. Thank you ready to change. Struggling today, can't stop crying & still can't eat. H has already messaged to check that I'm eating and I just sent a thumbs up emoji in return. Don't feel I can tell anyone, although the kids know but I don't want to burden them & influence how they think about their dad. I want to call mum but I don't want her to think bad of H either. My mind is a mess. Trying the mindfulness but it's hard. Thank you for your care

[BL42]

MA1970,

I didn't manage to go for a walk but did manage to avoid the urge to bring up potential infidelity, which is the only thing on my mind at the minute. At work till late tonight but going to try again today to go for a walk.

It can be difficult to motivate yourself when feeling sad, depressed, fearful, spinning due to your sitch, but one of the best things you can do is get active. Make sure you get out for that walk today. And then tomorrow. And then the next day...

Have you read this thread?
Kind18's The Importance of Exercise