any recommended length of time before considering getting serious?
The length of time is different for everyone. My basic rule of thumb is at least one year after the divorce is final. That’s from finalized, not from signed, or separated.
From my own experience, and from reading many situations, there are distinct times and hurdles the LBS needs to heal from. Some of the major ones (and not an all inclusive list): BD, affair confirmation, separation, divorce signing, and divorce finalized.
Divorce is horrible. It rips apart families and people. One needs to heal from that.
The finality of a divorce brings its own pains and stirring of emotions. Actually, it’s the finality of the marriage and relationship. The word divorce, although it does define what is happening, does somewhat detract from what is being destroyed. Even a divorce signed and pending judge’s signature is emotionally different than one that is finalized. It takes time to work through one’s emotions and accept this.
Plenty of folks do not feel that for a while. Remember, grief and loss. There is a period of indifference, a time of numbness, even for this “new” loss. Even if the loss is viewed as a positive, or is a positive, it still has a process of grief tied to it. A job promotion for example, or retirement . I did miss my work, and needed to find acceptance to my new non-employment status.
Indifference post divorce. Other feelings will loom larger in the void of what once was. Definitely do not want to act or make life altering decisions during this time.
Indifference will unwind. Some depression would be likely. And acceptance will be found. A year seems reasonable to ensure one’s inner self is settled and has their belief and conviction based headings sorted out.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
. I did miss my work, and needed to find acceptance to my new non-employment status.
