Thank you Mike, I found this really helpful to hear someone else is thinking / doing the same things. I really find it hard to try and detach. The thoughts and emotions are so strong at the minute. I think you're right about the fear. I'd not recognised it as that but think you're right. Can I ask if you and your wife are making a go of it? I know I shouldn't focus on this but it's all my mind can consider.
You’re welcome. The fear aspect was taught to me here. Detaching is so counterintuitive. Short version of my story: W was seeing a guy from work, swore there was no sex (didn’t/don’t believe it). Was supposed to end the A to work on us. Didn’t, I caught them in a public place together. Told her to end it or leave, she moved into her parents house leaving me with our 3 kids at home. After a few weeks of that arrangement I decided I wasn’t putting up with it any longer. Gave her the ultimatum- end the A or I’m filing for D. Gave her 24 hrs to decide. She ended it and moved home. Great, right? Not really. We’ve struggled and fought. Then I discovered MWD and this forum. I’ve gradually gotten better at following the advice given here. W doesn’t want to D currently and isn’t working on us either. Things are slowly getting better. We share a bed, have intimacy still, and she has become more affectionate towards me. Slowly. I don’t think anyone here would suggest the path I took regarding the ultimatum. I was mentally prepared for the worst and she surprised me. I couldn’t deal with the A any longer. Definitely not recommending it to you. Things may work for us, I’m luckier than most as far as the R we still have. Others have been through hell and back. I am thankful that my situation has been “easier” than most. What has helped me the most is trying to keep our family together. I don’t want my kids to go through a D.
